Could it be…

Is it possible to be both deeply touched and heartbroken by the same words?  Can the same thing that moves us to the point of emotional lapse be capable of destroying and permanently scarring us?  Is there a chance, by some breach of logic, that love can cut as deeply as hate?  That faith can destroy as much as betrayal?  Is life more painful than death?

Circumstances, people, and reasons change.  Regret cuts at us, nagging, reminding of everything we’ve lost and how we can never have it back.  It’s a crushing defeat, a realization that we may have given up the best thing that ever crossed our paths.  And it’s also an overwhelming force to reckon with, facing everything that was.

Is it more painful to stay or to leave?  When everything ends, when there are no more words to say, no more tears to cry, no more questions to ask, and no more answers to give, what is left?  Memories and regrets.  Love and hate.  We love the times that were, the words that were said.  We hate the thing we’ve become, the mistakes we’ve made.  Bringing the situation back to life relives every leap of the heart, and every crash as it falls to the ground again.

How do you decide if repair is worth the pain it will cause?  A gunshot wound may injure, but the pain of dislodging it is worth the healing.  Does this apply to all circumstances?  Is it better to rip apart the hastily constructed defenses in lieu of mending them?  Can a sacrifice of pride make restoration worthwhile?

For long periods of time, the problems of the past can be forgotten, pushed aside, and laid to rest.  But there pretense is ever lingering, and no matter how hard we try we can’t avoid those occurrences in everyday life that bring back everything we’re running for.  Eventually our demons catch up with us, fate deals us another cruel blow for trying to outsmart it.  There comes a time when nothing is enough anymore, and everything and everyone is lacking.  There is no peace.  There are no right answers, because no matter what we say or do, it will always be wrong.

Sometimes, memories can be like a curse.  Never allowing us to forget what we cannot fix, what is permanently destroyed.  We’re trapped inside this endless mental battle where we fight ourselves and never win.  Someday, that battle must stop.  There has to be a victory.  Pain will ensue, but with the hope of healing.

Could it be, that love will prevail after all?  Or is such a concept reserved for fairy tales, storybooks, and happy endings?  Is a promise of commitment enough, or are we another pair of star-crossed lovers, so to speak, two people destined forever to fail miserably, wretchedly, at a relationship?  I speak of any friendship or relationship, not simply those involving romantic attachments.  Once boundaries have been crossed, and hearts have been put on the line only to be crushed, we retreat.  Stare at that line for years.  Hope it will disappear, and with it, all the hurt associated with it.

But the line stays.  Mocking, tormenting.  A cruel reminder of what it signifies, the distance separating.  We can try to erase it.  Try to paint over it.  To walk right next to it.  But until both people resolve to reparation, the line stays.  The question that remains, is this:  will the hurt be worth the healing?  Could it be?