Just curious.  Flirtation has become such an integrated and complicated part of today’s teen society and culture with unwritten rules, guidlines, understandings, and meanings that aren’t clear to the unobservant individual.  Not that there’s neccesarily anything wrong with it, although our ancestors are undoubtedly turning over in their graves at our scandalously forward behavior.

Lighthearted behavior serves to break the ice between newly introduced individuals and establish a friendly sort of relationship as a prerequisite to anything serious that may or may not develop.  It’s become a sort of an art, because indeed, one must walk the line and take care not to imply that there is more at hand than there actually is.

But where is this line?  What defines it? At what point does flirting become more than idle chatter, and take on the role or shape of something more significant?

Teenagers are lazy people.  We sit around in school texting our friends, we go home and surf facebook, we forego homework to attend wild parties where we proceed to become utterly and totally trashed, and forget about it the next morning.  We backtalk our parents, have unprotected sex, get high, develop destructful habits, and break the law.  And then demand that adults respect us and treat us as equals.  Adults on the other hand, shoulder the responsibility of a working American.  We wise up to the fact that there is more to life than partying, obtain and education and find stable jobs.  We provide for those who depend on us, hold our words when neccesary, and excercise cautious judgement over what to say to who, and when and where and how.  We learn proper diction, become skilled in the art of diplomacy.  This is why adults in a general sense respect each other – regardless of their emotional feelings.  Letting your personal opinions of someone influence your treatment of them is something that teens MUST get over.

The world is not a bed of roses, no matter how good or moral a person you think that you might be, or even really might be.  There is absolutely no sensible logic behind thinking that if you do everything right and treat everyone fairly that you will have an easy life.  I could dredge up any number of famous people but I will refrain in favor of continuing my explanation.  Bad things happen to everybody.  Everywhere.  All the time.  The difference between teens and adults is that teenagers are too immature to accept this harsh truth, and instead blame things on themselves, others, global warming, and any number of odd and bizarre things that are totally unrelated.  Teens?  Grow up.  Stop thinking that the world revolves around you and that everything of your little life should be oh-so-perfect.  Learn to shoulder some responsibility and take care of yourself.

From the time that we are born, our parents take care of us and make sure that we have everything that we need to survive.  Most parents will do their best to keep their children happy, particularly if said children do not grow into picky demanding teens.  There comes a time however, when everything needs to stop being about you.  When you grow up like that, you realize that you need to take responsibility to do some things yourself.  Go get a job, pursue a higher education and have some ambition.  Make your life more than just sitting around every day waiting for some golden opportunity to present itself – it won’t.  Do something for the world, at least for yourself.  Teenagers are a lazy bunch.  A selfish bunch.  And quite frankly, not very motivated to do anything that doesn’t directly serve their immediate tangible purposes.  The world is sadly lacking in strong intellect, knowledge of more than one area, or ability for critical thinking and work ethic.

Employers, politicians, purse-holders – they’re all looking for the same things.  They want people who have goals, who know not only how to set them but more importantly how to achieve them.  People who have a life and will make something useful of it.  People with brilliant and even average minds who know how to use them.  People who are willing to try new things, to approach situations in a different way.

So to sum this up, I’ll say this.  You can’t have privileges and respect without responsibility.  In other words, you can have it handed to you.  Don’t demand what society gives its equals when you aren’t prepared to work to be an equal or to even try.  Let’s not be a disappointment to the adults of the previous generation, or to the young adults of a half generation before us.  Take some responsibility.  And please, grow the hell up.

The technicality lies within the attitude, and the manner of delivery.  You can say thousands of words a multitude of different ways, and each one implies an individual meaning.  In the same way, the purpose and motivation behind people’s actions implies things.  So why is it, that women have got it into their head that the only way they can catch a man is by throwing themselves at him (less than clothed, more often than not) and batting her eyelashes prettily at him?  Of course, a feminist could/would argue that this stereotype has been written and then reinforced my men – but don’t women confirm it on a daily basis?  It may have been that once upon a time, Caveman Sue decided to pretty up her hair and pretend that she twisted her ankle while picking berries, and since then society has deemed that a fragile woman is attractive.

However, that does not apply to all women.  Yes, some men are attracted to “weaker” women and others are drawn to women with charisma, ambition, and expectations.  There is no right or wrong neccesarily.  The problem comes when all women attempt to fit the perfect cookie-cutter mold of what they *think* that men want.  Which brings me to my next point – behavior.  Not only are the mentalities and ideas of many women jaded, but their actions are influenced by them.  Losing their self-respect and ceasing to demand treatment like the lady they are, women have resorted to basically playing dirty to get the man they want.  In doing this, women have put themselves in a far more dangerous position than they ever would have been had they not interefered.

No longer is there a such thing as an innocent smile, for a glance can be interpreted as a sultry invitation for later rendezvous.  This comes about because somewhere, women decided that sex was the only way to snare a man, to captivate him.  Ah, and so seduction overran & overruled sensibility.  Intelligence is replaced with ignorancy, and a refusal to engage a man in conversation.  Anyone who reads historical fiction will find the majority of the decent male characters in want of a companion who he may not only have as a friend, not only as a lover, but as someone who can share his life.  This is the basic equality of relationships since the beginning of time.

Women complain that men dominate them, discriminate against them.  They do nothing to aid this however, only entrapping themselves more in their reinforcement of the thought that there is only one way to get a man – the way he wants.  Hence, the men still have the control.  And so here we have it, women starting these habits early in high school.  They start innocently enough, bringing cupcakes to class, flirting in the halls, before the actions become more serious and it takes more to satisfy the boy’s appetite than a sugary confection.  Of course the girl gives in, thinking that as long as she can exercise her current behavior, she’ll continue to control him…right?  Wrong.  Instead the girl is locked into a vicious cycle that continues, for the boy will grow into a man who knows that she will never leave him.  Ladies and gentlemen?  I seriously could never do that.

You know I’m right.  So, to draw to a point.  Why is it that while we know that’s true, that we know that it makes sense, that we STILL insist on “well I feel like ~” whatever.  And then make stupid decisions.  I FEEL LIKE YOU DON’T LOVE ME.  Why?  Oh, your boyfriend didn’t text you?  9_9  I FEEL ALONE!  Why? Oh, you didn’t get invited to the company Christmas part at the secretary’s house?  Big, freaking deal.  And then you find out weeks later that your boyfriend’s cellphone messed up, and that your invitation was lost in the mail.  And there you go, ticking off the most important person in your life and making him feel like crap, and alienating yourself from your coworkers by pouting for a month.  Please.  Let’s have some maturity people, and grow up.

If you “feel” like something, consider the situation, look at it in a removed manner, analyze it (without overthinking) and come up with a practical solution to dealing with how you “feel”.  Try and figure out WHY you feel like that, and ask yourself honestly if you’re being reasonable or if you’re just overreacting and being self-centered.  And that, ladies and gentleman, is my lecture for the day.  Thoughts, comments…below.

~ladygrace

p.s.  I am not attacking any specific person.  I am simply addressing discrepancies that I have seen in my own life and noticed in others.  Hence by fixing my issue…maybe my advice will help you do the same. XD

Instead of meekly accompanying the man to his banquets, card games, and important functions, only seeking to make him happy, these women on the arms of powerful men are insecure, constantly feeling threatened by the possibility of being replaced.  After all, he deserted his previous mistress for her, who’s to say that he won’t leave her for the next office assistant or secretary straight out of law school?  Is there any guarantee that these women have a secure position in these mens’ lives?

Now step back from the situation a moment and evaluate.  Here we’ve pointed out the typical behavior that stereotypes men – that of a player, constantly seeking to achieve new women as trophies, objects.  The term “on the market” used to describe women who are “available”.  Take the opposing point of view now.

For centuries, women have held the power to seduce, to control, to undo men.  It’s said that behind every successful man there is a good woman for that reason.  Men may be the ones with women hanging off of their arms, the ones flaunting their exploits, the ones seeking constantly to score a better woman.  But on the same hand, women are ten times as vicious.  At least men have the decency to make their reputations known.  Sure, they may be bragging about how many women they’ve slept with, but they’re being honest.  Women on the other hand, may lead a man on for months, years even, giving every indication that her heart belongs to him while she is out pursuing ten other men.  Her husband may never find her dalliances until it is too late to reverse the cycle.

Fueled (unjustly so) from the constant competition among women to keep their men, there comes this contest to score as many men as possible.  After all, what more a sign of a woman’s vitality, youth, and beauty than the number of men she’s been involved with?  Doesn’t it indicate that she is desirable and to be looked up to if she’s had half the country wrapped around her little finger?  Think about this a moment.  Somewhere here there is very screwed up logic.  Why is it okay for women to treat men as conquests and objects to be gained in a search for fame, but it’s not okay when men do it?  Why are the men the ones with the reputation for being heart breakers?

In all honesty, the reverse could be true.  As I stated, at least men are upfront most of the time and honest.  Even if they never say anything to the woman they are with, they will not hide the reputation that precedes them – one of an interest in the art of seduction.  The term rake was used to describe men who sought women purely for the purpose of gaining such a reputation.  In that sense, the women were nothing more than objects to them.  The point however was that the women knew, unlike with the reverse, where women string a man along and lead him to believe that he is the best and only in their world, only for the man to find out that she said the exact same words to hundreds of others.  And we wonder why men say women are fickle and to be distrusted.

Circumstances, people, and reasons change.  Regret cuts at us, nagging, reminding of everything we’ve lost and how we can never have it back.  It’s a crushing defeat, a realization that we may have given up the best thing that ever crossed our paths.  And it’s also an overwhelming force to reckon with, facing everything that was.

Is it more painful to stay or to leave?  When everything ends, when there are no more words to say, no more tears to cry, no more questions to ask, and no more answers to give, what is left?  Memories and regrets.  Love and hate.  We love the times that were, the words that were said.  We hate the thing we’ve become, the mistakes we’ve made.  Bringing the situation back to life relives every leap of the heart, and every crash as it falls to the ground again.

How do you decide if repair is worth the pain it will cause?  A gunshot wound may injure, but the pain of dislodging it is worth the healing.  Does this apply to all circumstances?  Is it better to rip apart the hastily constructed defenses in lieu of mending them?  Can a sacrifice of pride make restoration worthwhile?

For long periods of time, the problems of the past can be forgotten, pushed aside, and laid to rest.  But there pretense is ever lingering, and no matter how hard we try we can’t avoid those occurrences in everyday life that bring back everything we’re running for.  Eventually our demons catch up with us, fate deals us another cruel blow for trying to outsmart it.  There comes a time when nothing is enough anymore, and everything and everyone is lacking.  There is no peace.  There are no right answers, because no matter what we say or do, it will always be wrong.

Sometimes, memories can be like a curse.  Never allowing us to forget what we cannot fix, what is permanently destroyed.  We’re trapped inside this endless mental battle where we fight ourselves and never win.  Someday, that battle must stop.  There has to be a victory.  Pain will ensue, but with the hope of healing.

Could it be, that love will prevail after all?  Or is such a concept reserved for fairy tales, storybooks, and happy endings?  Is a promise of commitment enough, or are we another pair of star-crossed lovers, so to speak, two people destined forever to fail miserably, wretchedly, at a relationship?  I speak of any friendship or relationship, not simply those involving romantic attachments.  Once boundaries have been crossed, and hearts have been put on the line only to be crushed, we retreat.  Stare at that line for years.  Hope it will disappear, and with it, all the hurt associated with it.

But the line stays.  Mocking, tormenting.  A cruel reminder of what it signifies, the distance separating.  We can try to erase it.  Try to paint over it.  To walk right next to it.  But until both people resolve to reparation, the line stays.  The question that remains, is this:  will the hurt be worth the healing?  Could it be?

~ ladygrace

Stopping and thinking about things, letting your mind go over problems slowly, and carefully.  Reflecting back on what’s happened, what will happen.  Not worrying about it, but rather just contemplating it.  Being thankful for things that have come your way.  Taking into consideration everything going on in your life.  An aspect of the Japanese culture is peace. Tranquility.  They prize highly their time to just be.  We as Americans tend to be in a hurry, to forget our personal time.  Take time out of your day to simply reflect.  There’s not a better way to put it.  Whatever it is that helps you relax this time of year -lighting a fire, brewing a pot of tea, getting out a good book or digging that favorite blanket out of the closet and donning your slippers.  Relax.  Rest.  Reflect.

Humans have this need for relationships, this desire to click with others, to relate.  We thrive on emotional and social interaction, and without it are often moody, unbalanced or depressed.  Communication is such an important part of our lives, and yet sometimes we forget to stop and do just that.  A sentence here and there, an occasional text message, and those people that we used to be so close to suddenly seem distant and different.  It’s a vital part of our everyday lives.

It’s how we share ideas, explore, create, and build together as a society.  Technology has advanced greatly, making communication even easier for us.  So why do we often forget to use them?  Trying to be independent, self-sufficient, can make us forget that we can’t get everywhere by ourselves.  We need others to help us get there, and to help us get through those moments when we don’t think we can get to where we’re trying to.

Our frustrations can pile up, stress gets to us, and we don’t feel our best.  What else are we supposed to do if we don’t have some outlet for our emotions?  Talking to a friend, communicating issues at hand, and discussing problems helps us to see them better.  By explaining to someone else, we can get a better grasp of what we’re trying to say.  It’s a key in our well-being.  Communication.

Women, and females in general, learn to play off of others emotions, to dramatize, to act, to push for what they want until they get it.  Now this isn’t neccesarily a bad thing, sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.  But it becomes a bad thing when we use this for nefarious purposes to a negative end.  Being convincing isn’t bad.  Being conniving is.  The difference lies in your motivation for changing someone’s mind.  Your reason for doing what you do.  That’s what makes so many things “wrong” or “right” and as we all know anyone can do the wrong thing for the right reasons (and still be wrong) or the right thing for the wrong reasons (and still be right or wrong)

One thing that makes it so hard to break free of the stereotype of being manipulative is the fact that it comes so easy especially to girls.  It’s a struggle.  We all have things we deal with personally, most girls deal with manipulation.  Whether or not they adress it is up to them, but their boyfriends would certainly appreciate it if they were less negative in what they’re trying to do.  A sly, deceptive manipulation is not a good thing………am I repeating myself here??

It’s important that as people in general we don’t become so caught up in getting our own way, getting what we want, when we want it – that we close in on that goal and that only, forgetting everyone and everything else around us.  It’s alright to be focused, or one-track-minded, as long as it’s conducive to our lives and doesn’t affect us negatively.  Focusing on a project or school for instance is a very good thing.  Focusing all one’s energy on getting your dad to buy you a car for your birthday is not.  There are much more important things in the world, which is something that many people forget and is a main factor in manipulation – you will do and say anything to get what you want.

This is one of my goals personally.  Obtain what I want honestly.  Straightforward.  Earn it.  No cheating.  And no manipulation.